Thursday, January 13, 2011

In The Box #1: Jan 13, 2011

The honor of having presented the first question ever to be answered in the box goes to radicalbacon, who asked,

Am I a "hot woman" even though I look like jailbait to you?

A wise man once said, "Choose your words carefully when speaking to a woman with a gun. In fact, it's probably best just to keep your mouth shut and hope for a painless death."


Firefly4f4 gets the next answer, because of the cool Pink Floyd poster.

On what TV shows or movies are you basing your moral code? I like "Firefly." It's way better than your moral code. Stab me in the back, but do it to my face.

It's been a long time since I watched a TV show, except that my daughter always wants me to watch old episodes of "Gilmore Girls" with her. The moral code in this program is appalling. It's about a woman who had a kid out of wedlock and chose never to be married, so she's raising the poor kid without a father or any kind of proper family. Shocking, the state of the world we live in. The worst part is that although the woman is sort of hot, she spends all her time making inane speeches that require everyone to stop what they're doing and listen. I had a girlfriend like that once.


Was God Jewish before Jesus came to the earth?
She is of mixed Italian and Jamaican descent, and clearly, she is eternally unchanging. I hope she was busy and didn't hear you ask this question.

What is Satan's last name?
Claus, of course.


Aren't you causing division in FSM-dom by having two channels? Are you doing this deliberately in order to make fun of the third who subscribe to neither doctrine?

Yes, I'm doing it deliberately, not in order to make fun, but to make money. On this channel I will attempt to build a large subscriber base and then I'll start e-begging. I'll get a lot more loot from you guys if I can get you to think of the channels as you would two different football teams, allowing me to whip up anti-Bore sentiment, claim that they're attacking the Snore camp, and insist that if you guys don't send me enough money I'll drop dead from a nasty case of syphilis.

mazie100 (went over the time limit, no sock for him)
Parallel Worlds, Kaku. Observing electrons: position not fixed, wavefunction collapses on observation. The process of observation determines the final state of the electron; observation is vital to existence. Before we were here, who or what was observing the universe or collapsing its wave functions?

Well, I can't think of anything funny to say about this, so I'll try to sound smart. The statement, "Observation is vital to existence," is baloney. It assumes, for no good reason, that there is some kind of fundamental difference between a photon striking a retina and setting off a chain of chemical reactions in a brain and a photon colliding with an inanimate object. It's not observation that collapses wavefunctions. It's interaction. Schrödinger's cat is never really in a superposition of two states. As soon as the wavefunction of the particle interacts with the wavefunction of any other particle, the wavefunction of the entire system collapses. Now if all that sounds like BS, then it's because I just now made it up. If it sounds intelligent and plausible, then it's because I've been studying and thinking about this issue for years and this is my reasoned conclusion.


Goddamn it, how fucking old are you? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Shit cock. Also, Star Wars prequels (1-3) or the Original Trilogy (4-6)? Can you answer more than one fucking question, goddamn it?

The old man in the mirror claims that he just recently turned 44. I'm not sure I believe him. After watching the original trilogy a billion times, I like #5 best, then #4. #6 is ruined by the sappy ewok party at the end. I could barely stand to watch the prequels. I was really disappointed when they made a connection between The Force and some kind of particles in the blood. It takes away the mystical fantasy element, which is a huge part of the fun.


How much wood would a woodchuck have if a woodchuck would fuck Scarlett Johansson?
Easy. None. Anyone who has that privilege would obviously never do anything else.


Why did god make us shit?
Because that's the only way to get some of us periodically to tear ourselves away from our computers.


if, the universe is an inevedable consequence of some first principle that we dont know yet, and if this is the only universe, would that make some form of design credible?

I find the idea of design compelling. I would not be surprised in the slightest to see a holodeck-style door open in front of me, revealing a team of researchers who've been studying me in a virtual reality experiment. Your idea of this being the only universe, which absolutely could be true, reminds me of philhellenes' latest YouTube video, This Remarkable Thing. Worth watching.

how is this whole thing, youtube i mean, from your side of things? is it fun?

I could turn this answer into a whole episode. Yes, it's fun, but it's a lot more. In the last six months or so, I have learned more than I ever knew about how to interact with people. The whole argument with ThickShades was a huge learning experience for me; it taught me a lot about how my psyche works and helped me to clarify my reasons for making YT videos.


if my child ever asks me 'what happens after you die?' how should I answer, and for that matter any question that has religion as an answer. Have you ever had this experiance?

A lot of people would tell you to say that no one knows, that some people believe this, others believe that, and she has to make up her own mind. I consider this an inappropriate answer. It assumes that there is some reason for anyone to believe in the supernatural. There is not. Why confuse her? Tell her that as far as we know, nothing happens, and being dead is just like being unborn: you're just not there.

For any question that has religion as an answer, I suggest that a religious answer is no answer at all. People have been attempting to answer questions with religion for a really long time, and it has never benefited anyone.

Yes, I've had this experience, but from the other direction: I asked what happens when you die, and the answer was, "Most likely, you'll burn in hell for eternity."


Btw what's up with the earrings?

Uhh, nothing. I like to feel pretty? And before you ask, no, it doesn't work.

If you would make up an excuse for god's existence. How would you go about your reasoning?

I'll assume you mean Yahweh in this context. The primary excuse for its existence is that people are easily made to feel shame and guilt, especially about their bodies and the natural functions of their bodies. If we could address this problem, religion would disintegrate.


Why is it that Christopher Hitchens is so against sadism when it is so much fun?
Because he can never find an S&M outfit that doesn't make his butt look fat.


Do you think it's sexist to put women on a pedestal rather than treating them like equals?
Not if they're packing heat.


why are you a satanist?
Simple. Worshiping Baal made my skin break out.


What role do you see sitars playing in the war against god? Who are your favorite sitarists?
A tough one. Music leads to dancing, which leads to all sorts of immoral behavior. If we get people to sin more often, maybe they'll reject religion. I know of only one sitarist, and I'm not even sure it's really a sitar he's playing: George Harrison. Or whichever Beatle was playing it.


My 13 year old sister asked me why do people refer to god as a man
Isn't it obvious? Tell her to imagine Marge Simpson's reaction to a blood sacrifice and she'll understand.

I spent hours last night signing all of my old socks. Serious case of writer's cramp now. You guys come on over to my place and I'll give you your gift.

1 comment:

  1. I would like a pair of socks, but i cannot think of a single, worthy question..other than, "Are they hole-ey?"